Frog Blog

Wise choice!

Here's a story from one of our readers who made a wise choice. Way to go! 

I find a profile of a man who had viewed my own profile first. I thought, "He's cute and I love his profile," so we email. Then we chat online. Then we text. All is going well...it's exciting to have communication with a man again after so long. I try to stay as guarded as I can, but I can't help feeling giddy. Everything is grand.

And then we talk on the phone.
 
First off, I can hardly understand what he's saying. It's a 50-minute "conversation" yet I speak for maybe 5 minutes...total. He tells me that he's taken some medication that makes him really loopy and that he feels drugged. Then, he proceeds to say, "I'm going to tell you something that I only tell women after 3 or 4 dates. I have Bipolar I Disorder." Now, as someone who has Bipolar II Disorder herself, I understand how it is and that it takes courage to tell someone that. Yet my heart sinks because I know that sick + sick = sicker.
 
But here's the great part--something that I attribute to you, Karen, from when I've heard you speak--I know in my heart that this could never work. And instead of investing any time and energy into the "relationship" I tell him, "You know, with both of us having Bipolar, there is no way that this would work out. If we're both up at the same time or down at the same time, it could be really destructive." He said, "I understand."
 
In the past, I would have thought, "Hey, we both have the same illness! We can understand each other!" or "Well, I've never dated someone with Bipolar I before; let's see what happens." Instead, I overcame the fear I had of "rejecting" him and I stood up for what I knew my heart was telling me. So I let this frog go. And hopefully it will bring me a little closer to my prince, because after all, through this process I'm hoping to learn more and more how to be true to myself.

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How comfortable are you with yourself?

Last month, I spoke at a conference and posed this question: how comfortable are you with yourself? I didn't plan to say it, but when I did, I realized how important and relevant it is.

Many women I know are running around being so busy (I include myself here) that it's hard to actually slow down, stop and think. We're moving so quickly and sometimes it's easier to busy ourselves rather than to face ourselves. Sometimes it's easier to keep going rather than to face our reality, our loneliness, our limitations. 

Yet, there is such value to celebrating who we are! In all of our imperfections, we are wonderfully human and beautiful. The less perfect we are, the more approachable and lovable we are to others, too!

Try something this week: For 2 minutes (and if you can do more, even better!) stand or sit still and think of one thing that you love about yourself. Reflect and receive the kudos from #1 - YOU!

Because you are amazing!

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Are You Giving Yourself Away?

I was struck by two friends this week who have similar situations going on: like SO many of us. Both just met a guy and have been on several dates. One of the guys has now stopped calling (my friend is heartbroken) and the other guy is going so fast, they are already talking about their financial compatibility/future, and they just met a month ago! 

Are you giving yourself away too soon? 

It's so tempting to give all of yourself when you really like someone. Your time, your love, your space. I get it. I remember feeling that connection with a guy and loving it so much that I was practically willing to do anything to keep that feeling alive. The Indian guy that I met on the plane: Finally, an adult! With a job! Who travels all the time! Who says I'm incredible. Boy, that felt good.

But there is also so much damage that can happen when we do that. In my experience, the guy isn't as vested as we are. At least not as soon as we are.  It is so painful when we give ourselves away (our heart, our mind, our bodies) and then the guy disappears. Or just isn't as "into us" as he once was.

We've got to remember who we are. A treasure. Whose time is precious. How can you guard your heart and not only keep it safe, but keep the guy wanting more? Most importantly, what can you do to protect the valuable and wonderful you?

You are worth it. Be discerning, be good to yourself, and stay grounded in you. 

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Keep Your Affirmations to Yourself - at least before the first date

A recently divorced woman (deligently embracing the healing process) had taped a bunch of affirmations to her bathroom mirror. Things like "I am Beautiful", "I am Worthy", "I am Loved".

The time came for her to go on a date, but the night her date picked her up, he asked if he could use her bathroom. Not thinking twice, she said, "Of course."

He returned from the bathroom and she was immediately mortified upon realizing he had seen her affirming notes plastered all over the mirror as he said:"Look, you're obviously going through something and i don't think this is a good time to be...blah, blah, blah." 

Can you imagine?! 

Be true to yourself, do your healing work, and be careful who you let into that! 

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Embarrassing Moments with Parents

Ever had one of these embarrassing moments with your parents?

After my dad passed away in 2007, Mom made it a goal to take every one of us kids (7!) on a trip. In 2011, she took me to Canada and on an Alaskan cruise. We laughed nearly the entire time.

One day, we were approaching the gondola ticket booth in Banff and I was making conversation with the 21-year-old male cashier. He said that he was moving to San Francisco after college.

Mom pipes up, "Oh, you should give him your phone number!" Seriously, Mom?! We proceed to laugh hysterically and she says, "It's a mom's job to embarrass her children."

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